IRISH ONE LINERS

Yet again, just a few gems to be taken with a pinch of humour and a light sprinkling of sarcasm - If you have any class jokes, quips, witticisms along an Irish vein, we Dames would be glad of the giggle - at our time of life, laughing can be a scary action.....

 

25 QUIPS

  1. What's Irish diplomacy? - The ability to tell a man to go to hell so that he'll look forward to making the trip.
  2. What is black and blue and found floating up side down in the Irish sea? - Someone who's tells a stupid Irish joke
  3. What's the difference between an Irish wedding and a Irish wake? - One less drinker!
  4. How do you tell the Irish pirate?  - He's the one with patches over both eyes.
  5. How can you tell the Irish fella in the hospital ward? - He's the one blowing the foam off of his bed pan.
  6. Where does an Irish family go on vacation? - A different bar.
  7. What's Irish diplomacy? - The ability to tell a man to go to hell so that he'll look forward to making the trip.
  8. What is black and blue and found floating up side down in the Irish sea? - Someone who's tells a stupid Irish joke
  9. What's the difference between an Irish wedding and a Irish wake? - One less drinker!
  10. How do you tell the Irish pirate?  - He's the one with patches over both eyes.
  11. How can you tell the Irish fella in the hospital ward? - He's the one blowing the foam off of his bed pan.
  12. Where does an Irish family go on vacation? - A different bar.
  13. How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?- 11 - One to hold the lightbulb, and 10 to drink until the room spins!
  14. How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb? - 2001. One to hold the bulb and 2000 to turn the house round.
  15. How do you sink an Irish submarine? - Knock on the hatch.
  16. Did you hear about the Irishman who wanted to be buried at sea? - Six of his mates drowned trying to dig the hole.
  17. What have Irishmen and Jesus Christ got in common? - The both lived with their mother until they were 33 and neither had a job.
  18. How do you get an Irishman to burn his ear? - Ring him up while he is ironing.
  19. How do you keep an Irishman busy? - Write P.T.O on both sides of a piece of paper.
  20. How do you spot an Irishman at a carwash? - He's the one on the bike.
  21. How do you confuse an Irishman? - Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.
  22. What do you do if an Irishman throws a grenade at you? - Pull the pin out and throw it back.
  23. What do you do if an Irishman  throws a pin at you? - RUN! He’s holding a live hand grenade.
  24. How do know if a fish is Irish? - It has drowned.
  25. Why do Tipperary men always carry a little rubbish in their pockets?  - Identification

 

 FAMOUS IRISH

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